lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
