at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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