So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
