I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
