Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
