Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
