Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
