finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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