Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
