I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
