dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
