So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
