Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
