woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
