"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
