Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
