I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
