Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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