I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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