Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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