At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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