I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You have to summon your inner elephant
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
