this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
