I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
