why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
