I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
