So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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