Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
