Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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