so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
