Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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