shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
