I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
only you would photoshop your dick
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
