why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
