thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
