It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
