So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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