Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
