so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
