I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
