Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
