y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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