Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
