I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
