The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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