Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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