Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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