Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
