The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
