real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
