I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
