just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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