So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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