how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
