I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
